But I did not feel comfortable in that depressed
body of hers, even though she was young and out of a rich family, and
I enjoyed touching my naked body in the night, carefully exploring the
sensations in my breasts and the moist lips round my vagina. It was not
comfortable to be in a depressed body, no. Therefore, I switched to a
healthy Mexican who needed the money for his son's heart surgery and
as well financial support for his wife and daughters at home.
Unfortunately, I was caught by the police in a
raid on the darker side of Hollywood Boulevard and the next morning
deported to a village in Mexico - poor, homeless and surrounded by
crazy drug barons. Just like Hollywood in fact, but I left the
Mexican village and travelled back to New York. Quite a trip, took me
several weeks on foot and hitchhiking with cars and trucks.
Then, I changed body as fast as I could when I got
back. I carefully selected it from the suggestions at the donation
center. A colored woman in Harlem, a little overweight with heavy
breasts, but younger around 42, and a decent face. Her asking for 20
grand in return for the body also seemed noble. Her 10-year-old boy
could use that money to maybe attend high school when he grew up.
Unfortunately, my body number 3 was a mistake, her
body was not okay at all, I realize that now. I do not understand how
it happened. In the donation center's pictures I had overlooked her
navel, it was quite strange, maybe I thought she was just a little
thick on her stomach. But as I stepped out of the shower and wiped my
body, I noticed it, hitting it with my hand.
It is like a bag with two pounds of cheese in it.
The navel is extended to half a hand width, and then the bag is put
on with machine sewing. Ugly.
I pat the bag and try to feel if it can ever
disappear, or if I should always be ashamed of my stomach. Keep away
from the beach. Be abstinent and never again be erotic with another
human being. Plastic surgery is no option for this body. A poor,
colored woman in a ruined neighborhood where men on the street offer
food stamps for half price.
Including my original body, this is body number 4.
In fact, quite strenuous to change body, although the procedure is
practically both bloodless and swift. I sighed deeply. Took on a
dress, jacket and a scarf. Too bad for that kid.
"Where are you going, mother?"
The boy has just awake, curly hair, a white
T-shirt and shorts.
"I'm sorry, my son, I have to go." My
words make him confused, but I find the envelope with the banknotes
on the shelf in the kitchen cupboard. Gave it to him.
"Take good care of this. Save your money for
high school, you will need money to take an education."
Then I take the bus down to the center, determined
to switch to a new body again as soon as possible. Doubt I can get
anything for this old one, not with that navel. Maybe a few thousand,
but otherwise they can decompost it for my sake, or give it away to a
homeless person without teeth and several prison stays behind him.
I'm not born into this world to save anyone, I just want to save
myself and get a new body as soon as possible.
At the center, my donation specialist seems
surprised. He tries to persuade me to consider facts of life.
"You can learn to live with that navel,
that's how it is. We all have a small flaws that we have to live
"It's not a navel, it's a bag of water. A
fucking bag of cheese." I look at him angrily, dismissively,
getting knobby and a little hysterical. Finally, I refuse to go into
the any usual investigations. Claim I will sue him if he does not
help me get a new body, here and now. It's just empty words because
my body has no money for either lawsuits or appearence in a court.
Still, he consoles with me because I am a good customer and he will
not lose me.
The following hour I look at fresh bodies. Young
girls who are tired of living, nothing for me, really. Regardless of
their luxurious bodies and healthy hair, I quickly scroll past them.
I have no interest in living with anxiety, insecurity and low
self-esteem. Too much trouble I think, and it did not end happily
last time either.
"I want to be a man. Strong, harmonious,
successful. White. Irish, Catholic maybe if possible."
My specialist types on the computer, and suddenly
a nice guy appears on the screen. Blonde. Broad shoulders. A
beautiful, relaxed face.
"Peter is looking for a way out of his
relationship, just got in."
"And the price," I ask uncertainly. "His
body is amazing."
"Calm down, you still have a sensible
balance in your original donation account, but Peter here, he's free.
There are some special circumstances surrounding Peter, he wants to
give his body away without any fee and does not want another body. We
will therefore only debit our standard fee to your donation account."
Spontaneously I say no. There must be something
seriously wrong with the body, but my specialist tells me that Peter
has a reasonable cause to give away his body. Love. He loves the
wife, 27 years old. He is successful with the job as a seller of
luxury boats. They live in a big house on the coast. Good and sound
relatives. But he cannot give the love to his wife that he thinks she
deserves, and he loves her so much that he cannot leave her.
Love? Most people give up the body due to
financial hardship, disability of some sort or depression. Often all
things at the same time. My specialist connects me with him.
"Will you help me?" Peter asks. "Do
you want to love my wife, I can not figure it out. It's something
sexual. Unfortunately, we do not fit together." Peter looks at
me seriously. My specialist stands discreetly next to the screen and
lets us talk almost privately together.
"How do you not fit together?"
"My wife, she has a very strong sex drive,
but I do not desire her body. Do you understand what I mean?"
"You like men?"
Peter shakes his head, smiles a little. "No,
I'm all to women, always, and I love sex, but I do not want my wife.
She's so nice, but I think she's too mechanical when we make love.
Most mornings I wake up with my - yes, put it out straight my cock -
in her mouth and she gives me a blowjob which ends just before the
alarm clock rings. Completely mechanical. She's good at kissing my
cock, but I think there's too much autopilot in her. I do not want
her, I can not give her the love she deserves. "
I nod. I could live with a woman like that. We
make the deal. I'm confident. We swap our bodies at night between 2
and 3 o'clock, at which time we all sleeps deeply. Looking forward to
waking up to a new day, in a new body.
It's very satisfying, my new life. Maria wakes me
up with a great blowjob. We have breakfast on the terrace,
overlooking the sea. Then I drive to work down at the harbor.
Introducing me as Peter, it's not hard to get used to being in a new
body. Partly because of the comfortable life, but also because I have
studied Peter on video. Very quickly I feel like Peter. Maybe the
soul sits in the body, we are our body, no? Well, I'm Peter, and
that's nice. I meet interesting people, most of them rich. They smell
good. Selling one boat a week, sometimes two boats. Make good money.
Coming home for dinner which my sweet, beloved Maria has cooked with
The months go by. Everything repeats itself day by
day, it becomes dull and tedious. One morning I'm trying to change
our rituals. Pushing my head in between her legs to lick her clitoris
while she is kissing my cock. There is a strange sound in my ears, a
hydraulic sound from her thighs.
My tongue is doing a great job licking Maria. She
gets a huge orgasm, she says.
The next morning we repeat ourselves. What is that
sound she has in her thighs? I laugh to myself and hug her
afterwards. Kissing her neck as gently and sincerely as possible to
me. There is a sound in her neck too!
That day I stay home. We love, kiss and talk. Eat
good food, which we for once make together, and drink good red wine
from California. She tells me the whole story. There was money for
three bodies, approximately, but already after the first body her
account was empty. Both her legs were broken, her face was shattered.
As an act of kindness an professional courtesy,
the donation center had given her a body made out of silicone and
powered by hydraulic pumps. That way, she became part of an
experiment. A life without feeling and sensing as a human being. A
life where love and sex are driven by reason, rules and rational
"So, your body is mechanical?"
"Yes, my beloved, I am sorry. My love for you
is real, it is!, and I think you have only become more beautiful,
more loving and wonderful in recent months. I love you dearly and it
makes me so unhappy that I only have this artificial body to offer
"Because they cheated on you, and now you
can not switch to a new body? No more money in your original donation
Maria nods with her feets folded up on the sofa.
Her nightgown is transparent. So lovely breasts, so soft a pussy that
smiles to me with its pink petals through the opening to her arousing
vagina which holds my dick in a grip as precise as a loving hug.
It will not work, no. I will not live with Maria.
Not with a robot, though she is very loving to me. Should I leave
her? No, I will not. In her mind, she loves me and I have compassion
"I love you," I tell her. "If you
want a body again, I can help you because I still have money in my
Maria lifts up her face curiously. She listens
observantly as I talk about my plan.
The next morning I wake up
early in Maria's body. We changed bodies last night, my specialist
arranged it as a favor to me, and because at the same time we made an
agreement to buy a new body from him and throw this body out. The
last donation I can afford.
Peter raises an eye and then looks curiously at
me. For a moment, the facial expression resembles that of Maria, but
then she merges with her new body. Becomes Peter. There are still a
few minutes before we have to get out of bed, so I pull the cover
aside and kiss his cock. It creaks in my skull and I can hear many
different hydraulic pistons and wires inside me. Unbearable to live
with that noise. Then he comes in my mouth. Wondering where that
sperm disappears in my body? Maybe some kind of oil to lubricate some
of my gears?
At the lawyer's office, our divorce is signed.
Peter gets everything. He radiates like the sun. Fondles himself.
Grabs his crotch with an expression both of vulgarity and enthusiasm.
Grabs his upper arms, the muscles. The lawyer whispers to me that I
should be happy to get rid of such an inflated and egocentric man.
Peter gives me the keys to Maria's little car, I
drive home to New York. Picking up the equipment at the donation
clinic for the last body swap of my life. Closes my account with
"You just click here," my specialist
explains."Press once, or several times, it works regardless.
Get rid of it afterwards. It's not completely acceptable to swap
bodies with people who do not have... Well, let's not talk about it
anymore. Thank you for the collaboration", he says. We shake
hands and I drive into Manhattan.
It's a lovely day, sunshine. Stops with a gentle
squeal from the brakes outside my house. 4 floors, a tiny front
garden, gate with lattice welds, and a door phone that I activate.
"Carlsen residency, how can I help you?"
"It's me, I'm home again, Orvald. Let me in."
My butler leans forward and studies me in detail.
He's not used to seeing me in the shape of a young woman. His eye
appears large and fills the small screen at the lattice gate. There
are wrinkles, but he appears to be in a fair health.
"Never seen you before. How can I help? We
don't buy anything."
My dream is that people will recognize me no
matter what body I am wearing, but that may be too much to ask. I
take out the clicker. My sweet butler who served me so well all those
years while I lived as Carlsen, and who now just strolls about in my
big house and drinks all my good wine, he's going to be surprised.
"Thank you mister Orvald, you were always a
good butler to me. For the rest of my life, I'll make sure you'll
never miss a thing! Drink my wine, use my jacuzzi, empty my fridge,
you'll never go to bed hungry, I promise."
I am completely moved by my words which are both
to his body and in a brief moment spoken to myself. I have love for
mister Orvald. In a backwards way, he saved me from dying of cancer
when he stabbed me with a knife. In a moment he will save me once
My words make mister Orvald straighten his back.
He looks surprised. He smiles friendly to me. I smile back. Pressing
the clicker in my hand.
Like blinking with an eye, I'm him. My butler. I
straighten the shirt collar, open a button. He liked the shirt to be
tight, I don't. My shirt should be open at the neck. Feel my
shoulders, slightly bending my knees, stretches me. It feels okay, I
think I'm going to love this body.
Looking at the screen in my hallway. Maria's face
looks at me in the street on the door phone. Mister Orvald looks
confused as the facial expressions change and he merges with Maria. I
smile at her.
"Right now you're confused, mister Orvald.
Your name is Maria. Have a good one."
Now I'm my own butler, and I want to make myself a
pot of good tea, and eat a fresh piece of danish. I turn off the
screen and go humming into the kitchen.